Define your culture & faith

My colleagues were talking about some stuffs about studies during lunch break today and I felt lost. Part of me feel the urge to catch up with them. I should be doing my degree studies and at least be one of those many in the market.For many practical reasons in the society, I guess I should.

But I just mentioned previously that I would not and should not do things for the sake of it unless it is something that I seriously like. Then I thought...What have I done for the things I "seriously like"?
I am just a stopper in life, whatever that means.

I created a page in my "secret" red book and I called it "Dream".
Easily I've written 4 and with my lazy nature,they can easily remain as dreams.
I thought sometimes I am not encourage by the factors in my life to bring a step closer to them. With time...I ignore them.

But I am sick of doing nothing and I am still not doing anything much. I started by trying to live each 60 seconds with actions and meaning as much as I can. I don't deny there are hours that I slipped back to laziness and wish time just pass faster and the day just come to an end so I can rest.
It takes time and alot of self reminders to get ride of this bad habit so I am "exercising" my brain to think and pay attention to the surroundings...thinking I can catch 'life' instead of sleep walking.

I realised the ONLY thing that is eventually stopping me is (as cliche as it can be) myself.
I lack of the confidence and courage to do things on my own and I end up not doing it.
So I should start doing something...And don't let them be just some stupid resolutions.

I think everyone is special and I think I am special sometimes.
If you realised noone actually pulls me up but myself. I have some very inspirational friends and surprisingly they find me to be one too.

I lament alot and when the clock strikes 12, I reverse my thinkings and rebound.
I don't do great things but I do things that content my soul.

I am not those that 'spit' poetry outta my mouth but I shall leave this with this quote from my email.

I prayed for riches and achieved success,

All that I touched turned into gold.

Alas!My cares were greater, and my peace was less

When that wish came to pass.

I prayed for glory; and heard my name

Sung by sweet children and by hoary men.

But ah! the hurts, the hurts that came with fame!

I was not happy then.

I prayed for love, and had my soul's desire,

Through quivering heart and body and through brain

There swept the flame of its devouring fire;

And there the scars remain.

I prayed for a contented mind. At length

Great light upon my darkened spirit burst,

Great peace fell on me, also, and great strength.

Oh! had that prayer been first!

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, ""Answered Prayers""